As I lay here….

As I lay here I wonder if life is even worth living anymore. I constantly hear the whispers in the background about me from my own family. I am constantly hearing the ridicule about me and everyone thinks that I don’t hear anything. I hear the whispers and when I enter a room everyone shuts up or changes the subject or completely denies it when confronted about it.

So as I lay here wondering if life is even worth living, I am contemplating the many forms of suicide to take me out so that I can stop hearing all of the whispers and ridicules I know that the overdose of my medication won’t work, as I have tried it twice already and with no success. There are so many different forms of suicide someone can take and I have constantly been thinking about them.

I’m tired of the people in my life telling me who I can have for friends and whether they can come and hang out with me. People wonder why I am so depressed and all I want to do is sleep. What’s the point of being awake when I have people controlling my life and telling me who I can have for friends and what friends are allowed to come over and hang out.

I have tried and I mean tried since last June 2016 to fix things and open a conversation about this and other things and always get shot down and ignored. I’ve tried the help and it just doesn’t work either. So I will continue to lay here in this dark dreary world until it is my time to leave this horrendous world when it is my choice and no one else’s!

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