I Don’t Know

I honestly don’t know what to think about my life here lately. I’ve been talking to my best friend that I haven’t seen in over a year and then all of a sudden stops talking to me. It seems like all my so called friends only wanna talk to me when it’s good for them and benefits them. There’s so much that I would love to tell him and I can’t even do that because I’m afraid it will destroy the friendship that we have and the occasional fun that we have had in the past would stop.

Other news,

I want a relationship and not just someone to come over and fuck me. I wanna be able to go out in public and hold hands and show displays of affection and be affectionate. I wanna be able to lay in bed with someone and wake up next to them in the morning. I am ready for a complete relationship and be committed to someone. But everyone that I like or want just wants a fuck buddy or is closeted and won’t come out. I understand the coming out part as I just came out 2 months ago to my mother. So now I understand that part but I don’t wanna be kept quiet and on the DL. But I know there is one downfall here, where I live there are hardly any gays remotely close here I would have to travel to do anything.