I can say that today just fucking sucked from hell. I am just to damn agitated and beyond. I get sick and tired of being treated like total horse shit. I never ask for anything and when I do ask for something I never get it even when I offer to pay for it. Oh wait I know why! I’m not their child nor liked. Today I asked if certain people would give me a ride to Champaign for the weekend and I would pay for it but I didn’t even get answer or any type of response. I wanted to go to Champaign to get away and also to hang out with someone but that ain’t gonna happen even at my expense. I am so beyond agitated. I always go out of my way to help who ever I can when I can and what do I get?, not a damn thing in return. I really don’t know why I care about anything anymore. I do know that my fuse has burnt out completely and I am about ready to fucking blow and no body is going to like me when I do but I don’t give a flying fuck. I’m tired of using my money and my mom using her money to support people and provide them with the essentials that they need, such as a roof over their head. I just can’t live this way and I won’t live this way. I would just rather be six-foot under the ground than live like this. No one should have to live like this. Hell these people want me to get a job, but how is that going to happen when they won’t take me to work since I don’t have a job with a steady income. I’m just completely blown away how I get treated. I’m so tired that I don’t want to wake up and deal with this shit ever again.